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That's Not Important, now.

oh, moment is over.

As I lay in bed, night after night, trying terribly to get to sleep I think. I usually find my mind drifting to the things that I do bad, the shit I say wrong and all the mistakes I’ve ever made. After watching tv and reading books, I’ve happily learned this is normal, kinda.

Lately, I’ve noticed I keep doing the same stupid shit over and over again.

I don’t learn, I don’t change. I’d laugh, if it wasn’t kinda sad. (Ha)

Yesterday I had a melodramatic breakdown in front of my husband after my procrastination problem made me late for registering for school. It’s no big deal in the long run but I fell down the snowy mountain and it took a good half an hour to an hour to walk back up. Husband just sat there and watched me cry and verbally vomit all my feelings about myself. It was, not good. I believe I scared him. But this is an example of my poor behavior, procrastination, getting in the way. That mixed with the really depressed mood I’ve been in the last few weeks contributed to me telling my husband I wish  to kill myself. And while that may be true, I didn’t really want to burden him with those worries. I’d probably never do it any way. Why tell him about it to begin with?

Argh.

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