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That's Not Important, now.

oh, moment is over.

It’s so difficult to start a new job; I’m sure that’s a feeling that many people can relate to. I’m walking through that tunnel right now, who knows where I’ll be when I come out on the other side.

I hate the feeling of not knowing what I’m doing. Every turn I do something, I try and then I kick myself because I feel stupid. The worst part is? When someone who tells me something that I should be doing,  I take it but I don’t know how to respond so they feel like I’m listening. Two days in a row, someone tells me something I said ” Ok, yeah… yeah, ok” and they look like I’m just ignoring it, but I’m not! I’m empty in the face some times, that’s why when I’m at work I try to smile at people.

Oh, new jobs and new people make me think of all the places in my personality that are lacking. I don’t know who the person is who is taking to people, I don’t know what these people are seeing.

Previously, I knew my job pretty well and I was good at my job. I’m out of my element here, not knowing anything and being terrified to do anything wrong. I’m also on a mission to impress, to show the people I’m working with that I’m worth working there. I wish I could convince myself of that. Everyday so far I’ve returned home worrying about what I’m doing with my life and feeling positively useless. On the positive side, it’s only the first week.


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