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That's Not Important, now.

oh, moment is over.

So, with no work and nothing that I need to do, except exercise but that can be done when ever, I spend much of my time thinking. And usually when I think, I think about myself, that’s because I’m a narcissist. I’m an honest narcissist, I’ll be the first person to tell you because I enjoy the sound of my voice.  Alright, I might not be that bad but when I’m talking to someone else I feel like that’s how I come off.– that’s not really what I wanted to talk about in this post however. Today I was thinking about moving.

Moving has become a part of my life, it was always a part of my life but now the moves are bigger and take longer. This thought popped into my head while I was watching Soapnet, stupid theme song to ” The O.C.”. I love watching old “90210” re-runs and as any viewer of Soapnet can tell you, during the week “The O.C.” follows “90210”, who would have thought the two shows had so much in common? I digress, the stupid theme song came on and make me think about California. While I was living in California I didn’t think I would find somewhere that would make me miss California, but I would very much like to go back there.

It makes me smirk to think about how much I’ve moved in the last 4 years. I was just a kid, 19 and I moved to North Carolina. That was the scariest and biggest move I’d ever made. I moved cities and houses (or apartments) a few times while I was a child, moving schools was always the worst for me. Making new friends, meeting new people and not fitting in were some of the biggest fears of my life, it’s silly now that those are still present.

After a year in North Carolina I moved again, this time we did a cross country trip and ended up in Southern California. That was a long drive, we did it in about 8 days, from what I can remember it was a while ago after all. The biggest thing to come from that drive was that I stopped in Texas and saw my father for the first time in two years, but that’s a different story, a harder story to tell. We spent three years in California, I wasn’t as unhappy in California as I was in North Carolina, maybe it was the weather. North Carolina is still the lowest setting on my happiness scale, I use it as an adjective for a bad situation. It wasn’t the city or the people there, it was that it was my first time away from home and it was difficult to get used to being married. Our time in California was interrupted by my  husband’s second deployment, I went back to Utah for 6 months and really understood the old adage, ” you can’t go home again”.

Our second half of California was nice, a great time to be honest. I had friends, I saw my husband every night and we spent time together doing nothing and it was fabulous. Now I sit typing on a laptop while watching “One Tree Hill”- set in North Carolina incidentally, and think about how much I’ve done and haven’t done since I left Utah 4 years ago. I’m in New York now, not NYC but upstate where it’s less fancy and more rural. We’ve talked about it, or next move will be over seas if we can swing it. I would like to spend 3 years in Japan, on a military base obviously but it’s still that much further from Utah.

Don’t get me wrong, I miss Utah and will probably go back for a time when I get older but I’m not sure if we will go back there permanently. It’s just, every time I go back there it is so different. Everything moves, everything changes and the narcissist in me wants life to stand still until I come back and resume but it doesn’t. People are different, the streets look odd and up is down.

You can’t always go home but I hope that I can visit and something is the same. I don’t feel like I’m changing at the same rate.


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